she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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