So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
