Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
