Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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