I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think my fart just growled at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
