I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
