life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
