What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
