Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
