i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
