I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
