i barfeds in our rink
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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