so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
