he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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