about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
