Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
