I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
