i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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