I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
