Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
