Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
