If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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