Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
