You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
