Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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