9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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