yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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