i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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