Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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