i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
