my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
