Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
