capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
