I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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