Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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