your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
