dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
