i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
