dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
