I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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