I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
