Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
