so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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