I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
