my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize