Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
no, he came in my armpit
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
