How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
