The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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