he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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