dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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