My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He better not be in your backpack
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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