Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
