Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
