i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
