You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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