hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
