Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
