I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
