On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
