Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
