my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
