And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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