honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
