i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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