its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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