Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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