Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
