i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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