I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
