He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
