I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
