I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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