I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize