fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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