Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize