I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
