Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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