I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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