I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
