By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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