I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
