Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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