There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
