He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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