dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize