Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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