I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
