Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
