i barfeds in our rink
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize