Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
