I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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