Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
