hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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