we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
