wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
