So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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