im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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