My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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